Why Numbing Feels So Easy
Numbing gives you a quick hit of relief. For a moment, the stress quiets down, the anger fades, and the guilt doesn’t feel so sharp. That’s why it’s so tempting – it works right away.
But it doesn’t actually solve anything. It just pushes the feelings under the surface until they leak out somewhere else. For many men, that ends up being anger, outbursts, relationship problems, or burnout.
I’ve seen this in clients time and time again, and I’ve been there myself. For me, training was my outlet. From the outside, it looked like discipline and strength. But really, it was a way to avoid facing the anger and guilt I was carrying. That’s the problem with numbing – it tricks you into thinking you’re dealing with things when you’re not.
Coping vs. Numbing – What’s the Difference?
Coping is about support. It’s what you do to help yourself stay steady while you face what’s going on. It’s healthy, intentional, and leaves you stronger in the long run.
Numbing is about escape. It’s the thing you use to avoid feeling. It delays the pain but doesn’t take it away – and often makes it worse over time.
Signs You Might Be Numbing
Numbing isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t have to look like heavy drinking or drugs. It can be:
Training so hard you never allow yourself to sit still.
Burying yourself in work to avoid thinking about life.
Using porn or gaming to switch off from the world.
Needing “just one more drink” to take the edge off after a hard day.
These things aren’t bad in themselves. But when they become the only way you deal with stress, anger, or guilt, they start working against you instead of for you.
The Power of Accountability
One of the biggest shifts I see in men who stop numbing and start coping is accountability. When you stop blaming life, other people, or your circumstances and take responsibility for how you respond, everything changes.
Accountability isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about recognising that while you can’t always control what happens, you can control how you deal with it. That’s where real strength comes from.
For me, that shift changed everything. Owning my anger and guilt – instead of trying to drown it out – was the first step to changing it. For my clients, it’s often the turning point where progress starts.
How to Tell the Difference
A simple question to ask yourself is:
Am I doing this to help me deal with what I’m feeling, or to avoid feeling it at all?
Coping leaves you feeling lighter and more grounded. Numbing gives you temporary relief and then leaves you feeling guilty, empty, or craving more of the same thing.
What Healthy Coping Looks Like
Healthy coping is about facing things and supporting yourself through it. That might mean:
Talking to someone you trust, or a therapist.
Using training to release stress but also allowing space for reflection.
Writing down what you’re feeling instead of pushing it aside.
Building routines that keep you balanced rather than distracted.
Coping isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Final Thoughts
Numbing is easy in the short term but costly in the long run. Coping takes courage, but it builds strength, resilience, and better relationships.
If you notice you’ve been numbing, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re ready to face what’s underneath and take a different path. That’s where the real work – and real change – starts.