My Son Is Angry and I Don’t Know What to Do
As a parent, seeing your son angry can be painful and confusing. Maybe it shows up as slamming doors, shouting, or shutting down completely. Maybe you're noticing mood swings, school troubles, or he's getting into fights. And maybe, deep down, you’re worried. You’ve tried talking, but it goes nowhere. You’re walking on eggshells. You wonder if this is just a phase—or something more serious.
You’re not alone.
Anger Is Often a Cover
What looks like "just" anger is often something else underneath. Fear, shame, rejection, low self-esteem, grief, or a deep sense of not being understood. Boys and young men are often taught—directly or indirectly—that they’re not supposed to show sadness, confusion, or vulnerability. But those feelings don’t disappear. They just come out sideways—often as anger.
Being a Role Model Matters
If you're a father, this can hit especially hard. You might feel a deep responsibility to guide your son, to be strong for him, or to “fix” whatever’s going wrong. And yet, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting it wrong—no matter what you do.
But here’s the thing: your son is watching you more than you think.
The way you handle your own emotions, how you speak to others when you’re stressed, how you bounce back from mistakes—these moments shape what he learns about being a man. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, owning your own struggles and showing healthy ways to deal with them is one of the most powerful things you can do. It teaches him that strength and vulnerability can coexist.
You don’t have to have all the answers—you just have to be willing to show up, over and over again.
What Can Help
Here are a few starting points that I often explore with parents in therapy:
Don’t take the anger at face value. Instead of asking “Why are you so angry?”, try “What’s really going on?” or “You don’t seem like yourself—want to talk about it?”
Stay calm—even when it’s hard. When you escalate, your son will too. Your calm presence is more powerful than you think.
Create moments of connection without pressure. Play a game, go for a drive, get outside together. Talking often flows more easily when you're doing something together.
Model healthy ways to handle anger. Show him that anger isn’t bad—it’s what we do with it that matters. Talk about your own frustrations in age-appropriate ways, and how you work through them.
Consider support. Sometimes, a young person needs someone outside the family to talk to. And sometimes, parents benefit from support themselves to process their own frustrations and find a new path forward.
Therapy Can Help
At Strong Minds Counselling, I work with both teenagers and parents. If you’re feeling stuck, if your home feels tense, or if you simply don’t know what to try next—let’s talk. There’s no shame in asking for help. In fact, it might be the most important thing you do—not just for your son, but for you too.
Because underneath that anger is a young man who’s hurting. And behind that hurt, there’s hope.