Putting Yourself First – When You Can
We often hear the phrase “put yourself first”, but for many men, that feels unrealistic. Life doesn’t stop — there are bills to pay, people to care for, deadlines to meet. Putting yourself first might feel selfish, indulgent, or even impossible. But here's the truth: looking after yourself doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes it's simply about putting yourself first when you can.
A Common Struggle for Men
In the men’s groups I run and support, a common theme comes up again and again: men want to look after themselves better, but they often feel blocked. Whether it’s guilt, pressure to be the provider, or a long-standing belief that self-care is weak or unnecessary, many guys struggle to prioritise their own needs — even when they’re running on empty.
They’ll often say things like:
“I know I need time for myself, but I feel selfish.”
“I don’t even know what I need half the time.”
“Everyone else comes first — I just deal with it.”
Sound familiar?
You’re not alone. And more importantly — it doesn’t have to stay that way.
It’s Not Selfish — It’s Sustainable
If you're always at the bottom of your own priority list, burnout isn't a question of if, but when. You can only run on empty for so long before your mood dips, your patience runs thin, or your health starts to suffer.
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean neglecting others — it means recognising that you matter too. Whether you're a dad, a partner, a friend, or a team player at work, you function best when you're well-rested, mentally balanced, and connected to yourself.
Start Small, Stay Consistent
Putting yourself first doesn’t require a full life overhaul. Here are a few simple ways to start:
Book your own time in first. Treat your time like an appointment — whether it’s the gym, a walk, or just a quiet coffee.
Notice guilt and let it pass. Guilt doesn’t always mean you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it just means you’re doing something new.
Say no without overexplaining. A simple “I can’t do that today” is enough.
Ask yourself, “What do I need today?” Even just checking in can build awareness and reduce burnout.
Connect with others. Talk to other men who are trying to look after themselves too — it helps to know you’re not alone.
When You Can Is Enough
Life isn’t always in your control. Kids get sick. Work ramps up. A loved one needs you. In those seasons, it’s okay if you can’t do everything for yourself. But that doesn’t mean abandoning yourself altogether.
Even during demanding times, you can find pockets of space. A ten-minute break. A stretch. A phone call with someone who gets it. Putting yourself first when you can is about honouring your limits — not waiting until you’re at breaking point.
You Don’t Have to Earn It
You don’t have to be completely burned out to justify rest. You don’t need a crisis to warrant help. Your well-being doesn’t need to be “deserved” — it just needs to be valued.
The world benefits from you being grounded, present, and mentally healthy. You’re not a machine. You’re a person. You’re allowed to look after yourself.
Final Thought
At Strong Minds Counselling, I work with many men who are used to pushing through — often at the cost of their own needs. Whether it’s in private therapy or in a group, I see the same pattern: the desire to put yourself first is there — it just needs permission, practice, and support.
So here it is: permission granted. Start where you are. Do what you can. And remember — putting yourself first doesn’t mean putting others last. It means including yourself in the picture.