My Son Is Anxious and I Don’t Know What to Do
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re worried about your son.
Maybe he’s withdrawn. Perhaps he’s irritable, on edge, struggling to sleep, or constantly asking “what if?” questions. Perhaps you can feel his anxiety, even if he can’t put it into words.
And maybe the hardest part is this:
You want to help, but you don’t know how.
That sense of helplessness can be just as distressing as your child’s anxiety itself. This blog is for parents who care deeply, are doing their best, and feel stuck.
First: This Is Not Your Fault
Parents often blame themselves.
“Did I cause this?”
“Did I miss something?”
“Am I not doing enough?”
Anxiety in children and teenagers is incredibly common. Genetics, temperament, school pressure, friendships, social media, world events, and developmental changes all play a role. Even in loving, stable homes, anxiety can still show up.
Your concern already tells me something important: you are not failing your son.
Anxiety in Boys Can Look Different
Many parents expect anxiety to look like tears or fear. In boys, it often shows up differently:
Anger or irritability
Avoidance (“I don’t want to go”, “I don’t care”)
Physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches)
Excessive gaming or screen use
Shutting down or becoming perfectionistic
Because boys are often taught to “be strong” or “not make a fuss”, anxiety can come out sideways.
What Not to Do (Even Though It Comes From Love)
When we see our child struggling, our instinct is to fix it quickly. Some well-meaning responses can accidentally make anxiety stronger:
Constant reassurance (“You’ll be fine, nothing bad will happen”)
Avoiding everything that makes him anxious
Telling him to “calm down”, “stop worrying,” or “toughen up.”
Anxiety doesn’t respond well to pressure, logic, or frustration.
What Does Help
1. Talk to Him and Let Him Know You’re on His Side
One of the most powerful things you can do is keep the door open to conversation.
You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to force him to talk. What matters is that he knows you’re available.
Helpful phrases might be:
“I’ve noticed you seem more on edge lately. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You don’t have to go through this on your own.”
“Even if I don’t fully understand, I want to support you.”
Try to listen more than you fix. Feeling heard often reduces anxiety on its own.
2. Support Without Taking Over (and Watch Your Own Reactions)
It’s natural to want to protect your son from anything that makes him anxious. But taking over, pushing too hard, or trying to control the situation can send the message that he can’t cope.
If you find yourself getting frustrated, raising your voice, or feeling overwhelmed, it’s important to pause.
Losing control won’t reduce his anxiety — it usually increases it.
When a parent becomes visibly stressed, angry, or impatient, a child’s nervous system reads that as danger.
This doesn’t mean you have to be calm all the time. It means noticing when you need to regulate before helping him regulate.
Helpful reminders:
Anxiety isn’t bad behaviour
He’s not choosing to feel this way
Your calm helps his calm
Aim for support alongside him, not ahead of him.
Encourage effort, not outcomes
Praise bravery, even when it’s messy
Let him try, struggle, and try again with you nearby
This builds confidence over time.
3. Use Simple Breathing to Calm the Body
Anxiety isn’t just in the mind — it lives in the body.
Slow breathing helps signal to the nervous system that it’s safe to calm down.
A simple exercise you can do together:
Inhale through the nose for 4 seconds
Hold for 2 seconds
Exhale slowly through the mouth for 6 seconds
Repeat for 1–2 minutes
Doing this with him often works better than telling him to do it on his own.
4. Prioritise Sleep (Lack of Sleep Increases Anxiety)
Poor sleep and anxiety fuel each other.
When your son is overtired, his nervous system is already on high alert — making worries feel bigger and harder to manage.
Things that help:
A consistent bedtime and wake-up time
Reducing screens at least an hour before bed
A predictable wind-down routine (shower, reading, quiet time)
You don’t need perfection. Even small improvements in sleep can significantly reduce anxiety.
5. Get Him Moving
Movement is one of the most underused tools for managing anxiety.
Physical activity helps burn off excess adrenaline and regulate mood — especially for boys who struggle to talk about how they feel.
This doesn’t have to mean organised sport:
Walking together
Kicking a ball around
Cycling, swimming, and climbing
Rough play for younger boys
Gym or bodyweight training for older teens
The goal isn’t fitness. It’s helping his body release tension.
6. Know When Extra Support Might Help
Sometimes anxiety needs more than parental support alone.
If your son’s anxiety is:
Affecting school, friendships, or family life
Disrupting sleep most nights
Leading to panic, shutdowns, or frequent meltdowns
Persisting for months rather than weeks
Professional support can make a real difference — for both your son and you.
A Final Word for Parents
Watching your child struggle can be heartbreaking.
You might feel scared, frustrated, or exhausted — especially if you’re carrying your own stress quietly in the background.
You don’t need all the answers.
You don’t need to fix this overnight.
What your son needs most is a parent who stays present, patient, and willing to seek support when needed.