“If I Talk About How I Feel, I’ll Get Bullied”

I hear this from teenage boys all the time. And it makes sense. They’ve seen what happens when a boy opens up and it gets turned into a joke, a label, or gossip. So they learn quickly: keep it in. Don’t give anyone ammo. That isn’t weakness — it’s self-protection.

Keeping It In Comes at a Cost

Feelings don’t disappear just because you ignore them. They find other ways to come out: as anger, sarcasm, withdrawing from people, or escaping into gaming, porn, or substances. From the outside, it can look like attitude. Inside, it’s pressure building up.

Even in the gym, I see it. One young guy I work with pushes himself through every lift, gritting his teeth and refusing to speak, because he feels like no one would understand. Another spends hours on the bike, trying to outrun the frustration building in his head. Movement helps, but it doesn’t replace having a safe place to speak.

The Issue Isn’t Talking — It’s Where

Boys aren’t refusing to open up; they’re avoiding risk. Saying something in the wrong place can backfire, so they hold it in. What helps is finding one trusted person and one private space. It could be a counsellor, coach, mentor, or an adult outside your usual circle. No judgement, no teasing, no trying to “fix” everything. Safety matters more than an audience.

I’ve seen a client start by simply telling me, “I’ve been on edge all week,” and nothing else. That small step let him feel less alone, and over time he was able to share more. Another wrote a note he didn’t show anyone — just getting it out on paper helped him organise his thoughts before speaking.

Ways to Start Letting It Out

You don’t have to tell everyone, or explain every thought. Start small:

• Name it, don’t explain it. “I’m stressed,” or “I’m angry and I don’t know why,” is enough.

• Move first. Run, lift, box — release pressure before talking.

• Pick one safe person. Someone you trust won’t judge or share your words.

• Write it down. Organise your thoughts on paper before speaking.

Talking isn’t losing control. It’s choosing when, where, and with whom. That choice is strength.

One Last Word

Staying quiet because you’re worried about being judged or bullied makes sense. You’re not weak. You’re not failing. You’re adapting. You don’t need to open up to everyone — just one person, one space, one safe moment. That’s enough to change more than you think.