How to Tell if Your Teenage Son Is Struggling (And What to Do About It)

In my previous blog, “Why is My Teenage Son Struggling?”, I explored some of the reasons teenage boys can find life overwhelming. This follow-up looks at the signs to watch for and the practical steps you can take as a parent when you notice something isn’t quite right.

Parenting a teenage boy can be both rewarding and challenging. During adolescence, emotions are intense, and boys often lack the tools to express what’s really going on inside. Instead of saying, “I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m struggling to cope,” their emotions often come out in other ways – and one of the most common signs I see in the counselling room is anger.

Signs Your Teenage Son Might Be Struggling

1. Anger and Irritability

A certain level of frustration is normal in teenage years, but if your son’s anger feels intense, unpredictable, or easily triggered, it may be masking something deeper. In counselling, I often find that anger isn’t the “main” emotion – it’s a protective layer covering sadness, fear, or feeling out of control. If your son is shouting, slamming doors, or seems constantly on edge, it could be his way of saying, “I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling.”

2. Withdrawal or Isolation

Pulling away from family or friends, or losing interest in hobbies he once loved, can be a sign he’s struggling internally. Sometimes boys retreat because they don’t want to burden others or fear being misunderstood.

3. Sudden Mood Swings

Teenagers are naturally emotional, but if his mood swings are extreme or persistent – moving quickly from anger to sadness or shutting down completely – it might point to an underlying issue.

4. Changes in Sleep or Appetite

Noticeable changes in sleeping or eating patterns can be a sign of stress, anxiety, or depression. These physical shifts are often the body’s way of showing emotional distress.

5. Decline in School Performance

A sudden drop in grades or motivation, or skipping classes, can signal that he’s finding it hard to cope with something in his life.

What You Can Do as a Parent?

Stay Calm Around His Anger

This can feel incredibly difficult in the moment, especially if your son is shouting or being disrespectful, but meeting his anger with more anger usually makes things worse. When you raise your voice or lose control, you unintentionally show him that anger is managed by more anger – and he learns to copy that pattern.

Remember, whether he shows it or not, you are his role model. If he sees you staying calm under pressure, it teaches him that it’s possible to handle big emotions without losing control. On the other hand, if you react with shouting or slamming doors of your own, it can quickly escalate the situation and make it harder for him to calm down.

A good approach is to pause, take a breath, and keep your voice low and steady. You can even say, “I can see you’re really angry right now. Let’s both take a minute and talk when things are calmer.” This doesn’t mean ignoring the behaviour – it means showing him that emotions don’t have to control the moment.

Create a Safe Space for Conversations

Teenage boys often fear judgement or “getting in trouble” for sharing how they feel. Remind him you’re there to listen, not to punish. Small, consistent conversations often work better than one big talk.

Encourage Physical Outlets

Teenage boys carry a huge amount of energy and emotion, and often don’t know what to do with it. Exercise can be one of the healthiest ways to manage anger and anxiety. It doesn’t have to be team sports – cycling, weight training, running, or even long walks can help regulate mood and release built-up tension.

In my counselling work, I’ve seen how building regular movement into a teenage boy’s week can make a real difference. It’s not about “fixing” him through exercise, but giving him a safe outlet for stress while also boosting confidence and resilience in both body and mind.

Model Healthy Emotional Expression

Sharing how you cope with stress, anger, or sadness shows him that emotions are normal and manageable. Boys often learn emotional habits by watching the adults around them.

Know When to Get Professional Help

If the anger is frequent, intense, or paired with withdrawal, self-harm, or risk-taking behaviour, counselling can make a big difference. In the counselling room, teenage boys often find it easier to open up in a neutral space where they don’t have to “perform” for family.

Final Thoughts

If you’re worried about your teenage son, know that you’re not alone. Many parents find this stage confusing, especially when their child’s struggles show up as anger or shutting down. These behaviours aren’t a sign you’ve failed as a parent – they’re signals that your son needs support. By noticing the signs early, staying connected, and encouraging healthy outlets like movement and conversation, you give him the best chance to navigate this difficult stage and come out stronger.