Anger…The Emotion That Is Criticised
Anger is the emotion that gets judged more than any other. When people think of anger, they picture aggression, shouting, or losing control. It’s seen as something destructive, something to be ashamed of. But here’s the truth—anger itself is not bad. It’s a natural emotion, and like every other feeling we experience, it exists for a reason.
Why Anger Exists
At its core, anger is a survival mechanism. It’s part of the fight-or-flight response that’s wired into all of us. Anger can protect us when we feel threatened, wronged, or pushed beyond our limits. It can be the signal that something isn’t right—that our boundaries have been crossed, that we’re hurt, or that something important to us is being ignored.
The problem is not anger itself. The problem is what we do with it.
The Male Experience of Anger
For many men, anger is the only emotion that feels “acceptable” to show. We’re often taught to hide sadness, fear, or vulnerability, but expressing anger seems to fit the stereotype of what a man “should” be—tough, dominant, in control. Yet when men do show anger, they’re criticised, shamed, or labelled as dangerous.
That leaves many men stuck. They either bottle it up, which leads to stress and unhealthy coping, or they let it explode, which causes damage to relationships and self-esteem.
The Danger of Suppressed Anger
Burying anger doesn’t make it go away. It builds. And when it builds, it often leaks out in other ways—snapping at loved ones, turning to alcohol or gaming to escape, withdrawing from people, or even turning the anger inwards as self-criticism.
The criticism of anger makes men less likely to talk about it. That silence adds shame. And shame only fuels the cycle further.
Healthy Anger
But anger can also be healthy. It can drive us to set better boundaries. It can push us to speak up when something isn’t fair. It can motivate us to change situations that no longer serve us. When channelled in the right way, anger can become fuel.
Healthy outlets for anger look different for everyone. For some, it’s talking things through before it builds up too much. For others, it’s journaling, breathing, or therapy. And for many men—including myself—it’s movement.
When I train hard—whether it’s lifting, cycling, or pushing myself through something tough—I notice the difference. The intensity burns away frustration, and afterwards, I feel calmer and clearer. That’s anger being channelled into something useful.
Final Thoughts
Anger is not the enemy. It’s a signal, a messenger. The problem is that we’ve been taught to see it only as destructive, rather than understanding what it’s trying to tell us.
If we can listen to anger instead of criticising it—if we can channel it instead of fearing it—it stops being a weakness or a shameful trait. It becomes a source of strength and a tool for change.
Reflection prompt: Next time you feel angry, instead of criticising yourself, pause and ask: What is this anger trying to tell me?